


5 Best Ways to Sit on the Couch

by tr_ash101



Category: Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Bad Writing, Comedy, Fluffy Ending, Jokes, Lists, M/M, bad comedy, suggested relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:25:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10489842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tr_ash101/pseuds/tr_ash101
Summary: Michael's top 5 favorite ways to sit on the couch.This is a jokeDon't haaaate........ I'm terrible





	

As a practical professional, I can personally speak with authority in how to sit on the couch. It is a canvas, and the positions you take are still more artistic than Francis Bacon. Before trying out these positions for yourself, I recommend that you have at least one alcoholic beverage, as this practice can be highly depressing. (The price you must pay to have the tortured soul of an artist.)

Number 5: Feet and head on the arm rest- laying down.  
This one may or may not be possible depending on the length of the couch, so make sure before you attempt this position. This can be a great way to relax, feet and head propped up. But this is problematic when sleeping, and when wanting to face the TV screen, feet may touch in an awkward way, resulting in awkward contortion. I recommend this position to people who use their couches as a place to collect thoughts and stare at the ceiling.

Number 4: Sitting up  
This position is relatively popular, and can be practiced on nearly every couch. If slouching, this position can still be comfortable. For football parties your wife makes you host, this method allows for others who you aren't friends with to sit with you- which can be a pro or con, depending on how anti-social you are. When testing this one out, don't try to sit up straight, if that's your objective, you shouldn't even have a couch. Unfortunately, feet won't have the luxury of a foot rest, but the back can take most angles and still feel a level of comfort.

Number 3: Sitting on the couch lengthwise- back up and feet laying down.  
This one is a healthy mix of 4&5, allowing for best computer usage. Feet can have the support they need, and if you are god forsaken, you may sit up straight. This one takes up a moderate amount of space, and depending on the couch size, some people may sit with you, but that's mostly a component of #4.

Number 2: Laying down completely  
Undoubtedly the most popular position, this one allows you to sleep, and watch TV. The only possible shortcoming is the drinks, you may have to sit up a bit to drink it. It combines comfort, and is most effective if you want to take up space. This is ideal for when you are passed out drunk from disappointment, it's unlikely that anyone will bother you. If you are watching a movie while taking this position, it is convenient if you know where to put your arms. (By all means do not put them by your side and put your weight on the arm.)

Number 1: The "Spoon"  
My personal favorite position strangely enough, requires another person. Depending on whether or not you want to be the "spoon" or not will decide who is closer to the edge. The ideal person to share with (If you are the one being spooned) is somebody taller than you, more than a half inch but less than 5. It is also recommended that you are at least good friends with your partner, for it will involve close contact. If you are familiar with the concept of spooning, than I need not explain. This position is nearly perfect all around, good for movie watching and relaxing. The "spooner" can sit up to a slight angle depending on the personal preferences of both partners. It is also recommended that you and your partner "cuddle," to make the experience more memorable. One important warning to use this system, you may experience blushing, trembling, and inexplicable feelings for the couch partner, so attempt with caution. Everybody's spooning experience on the couch is different, and you may enjoy it more or less with certain people. So pick wisely when spooning.

 

Hopefully my list was helpful, and maybe will assist you in picking your ideal position. If you haven't consumed your alcohol yet, please do so now before you try the methods out. If you've already consumed it all, feel free to get another glass, bottle , ect. You'll need it.


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